The Reluctant Millie Bright

Chapter Ten
Why?

Ouch! What the fuck?!  Liam clutched his head as it throbbed, this wasn't a hangover, this was life.  He couldn't recall what day it was but he didn't care, each day that came, ran into the other and as far as he was concerned he didn't give two shits.  He leaned forward to grab the near empty bottle of Jack Daniels and took a swig, the putrid amber liquid shearing it's way down his throat.  He thought he heard the door bell go but it was probably his imagination.  He imagined a lot of things lately, like talking to unicorns and imagining that his house was made of candy.  His stomach grumbled.  He was hungry, he was more then hungry, he was bloody famished.  No wonder, he was thinking about his house being made of candy, he had began chipping at the door handles and the chair legs, thinking they were wrapped in silvery foil to reveal chocolate but he had been dreaming.  Fuck! His head hurt.  He heard the door bell go off again, who the fuck was it?  Didn't they understand, whoever the fuck they were, that he didn't want to talk.  He didn't want any company.  Couldn't they take his no reply as a fuck-off-leave-me-the-hell-alone hint? The door bell went off again.  He damn well was going to rip that door bell off the door before the hour was through.  He winced, now he had a headache, or a hungover or both.  Fuck!  Managing to stagger to the door, he opened it up, letting the light from the street lamp flood his front door step.  He spoke before he saw her and wished he'd never come to the door in the first place.

She just stood there looking at him, her eyes searching his face.  He suddenly felt self conscious, he'd been wearing his sweat pants for however long, he couldn't remember and he could smell body odour, probably his because she damn well didn't look like she would be emitting any such thing.  God, he must be dreaming this.  If he was dreaming that his house was made of candy, then by God she was probably a Ginger Bread Man or something.  Except, she wasn't.  She was dressed up to the nines, clutching a gold shiny bag and her dress looked like she'd waded through the pot pourri department of Marks and Spencer.  She was a vision.  God almighty, she smelt good too.

"Surprise." she said, trying to crack a joke but her eyes were full of concern.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" his mouth screamed out. 

She jumped away, taken by his abrupt response. 

"You said you wanted me to leave you alone, so I did.  So why can't you people leave me the fuck alone?"  he swore again, his anger rising.

"Stop swearing at me," she said.

"Oh, I'm sorry I must have mislaid my manners... no no, I left them back in St. Lucia," he ground out, "So why don't you fuck off where you came from!"  He didn't see the slap coming until it hit him smack bang on the jaw, the force knocking him sideways.  Grabbing the door frame for support, his head vibrating from side to side like a pendulum.

Millie grabbed him suddenly, afraid he was going to hit the floor.  Throwing his arm around her shoulder, she kicked his front door open and steered him inside.  He leaned into her for support, exhaustion finally hitting him.  Millie noticed immediately the state of his house, it was a tip, a complete mess.  She could handle organised chaos but this was a bomb site.   Finding his bedroom wasn't easy, it was up two flights of stairs.  The bed was untouched, immaculate, God where was he sleeping?  She pushed him back on the bed, he had passed out.   There would be no talking tonight but the sight of him and the state of his house spoke more volumes now then their confrontation a few minutes ago, she was concerned.   The look on his face when he'd seen her, had said it all.  Her heart hurt, more for him then anything else. She walked towards the en suite bathroom and found what she had been looking for, stowed away in the linen closet.  Filling up a small tub of warm water and a handful of towels, she returned by his side.  She began cleaning him.  She raided the closet for clean clothes, it wasn't as if she hadn't seen him in the buff before.  She was surprised to learn that her hands were shaking, that her heart was beating wildly in her chest, as she removed his sweat pants to see his manhood hanging free.  She put a fresh pair of cotton pyjama bottoms and buttoned the matching top.  She was in two minds about trimming his beard, she had to admit, it did give him character but he'd done such a bad job of maintaining his appearance, she had no choice.  She found his electric shaver in the bathroom cabinet and went to work.  He was still conked out by the time she finished with him and decided, she would have to do something about the state of his house.

She got to work on the kitchen foremost, there were a few dirty dishes, which she soaked in the sink for an hour then loaded up the dish washer.  She disposed of the cartons of Chinese food, pizza delivery boxes and other countless take away boxes and began scrubbing the surfaces of the kitchen counter tops, the kitchen stove, the oven and even cleared out the fridge.  The fridge was filthy, full of left overs and mouldy food.  It had taken her three hours to clean the kitchen alone.  She wasn't tired, she was used to hard work and this was a walk in the park.  Looking at her watch, she noticed it was close to ten o'clock, if she made it in time, she could go to the Tesco Express around the corner, the one she noticed when she passed in the chauffeur driven car, grabbing her clutch bag, she legged it outside.

Returning from Tesco Express, she unloaded her bags and began filling the cupboards with express coffee, breads, biscuits and filled the fridge with actual cooking ingredients.  She would make dinner later, if she had any energy left.  She went to work on the bathroom, removing the limescale and noticing that her once beautiful Gucci chiffon dress was turning the colour of a grey, what was even worse was she's gotten bleach on it, never mind, it was just a dress I guess.  She scrubbed the inside of the bath until she could see her reflection in it.  Millie put bleach down the toilet and got the mop and cleaned the floors.  The bathroom smelt wonderful.  Washing her hands, she headed to the living room, retrieved the Dyson and hoovered under every cover, under all the furniture.  She chucked the pillow cases and the throws into the washing machine and with a cloth started cleaning the sofa.  She was panting with exhaustion as she finished up, becoming light headed from the fumes from the polish.  Looking around her, the house looked clean, livable and she was satisfied. 

Looking at her watch, she realised in her efforts to get things cleaned and disinfected, it was a stellar four in the morning, had she been cleaning that long? She gravitated towards the sofa in the living area and sat down, her head hitting the head rest, she would allow herself ten minutes to close her eyes and then she would start on dinner.  Her eyes closed and her head sunk down further into the cushion.

Liam stretched, his hands touching the head board as his eyes flew open.  He looked at the ceiling and then noticed he was wearing his green tartan pyjamas, the pyjamas given to him by Frieda, Hartley's wife.  God, he hadn't seen Hartley in a long time and something yearned inside of him.  God, he missed his best mate.  Now that Liam had made London his base, he ought to be hanging out with his mate more often, but he was here in tartan pyjamas.  Tartan pyjamas he absolutely hated.   His mind back tracked, how the hell had he gotten here and then the image of her appeared in his mind and he sat up bolt straight and cursed.  He got to his feet steadily and onto the landing where he noticed immediately, that his house was spotless.  Sparkling like crystal.  Noticed the kitchen pristine, every area of the counter was gleaming.  He walked in and opened the fridge door and noticed it well stocked, even the cupboards were full of snacks; snack that he loved.  He headed straight for the living room and that's when he saw her.  She was curled up in a ball, the skirts of her dress a heap on the floor.  She looked enchanting, beautiful, like Tinkerbell.  What the fuck? Tinkerbell.  He never thought of things like that.  

He noticed her hair was much longer; waves of chestnut brown surrounding an angelic face.  Her cheeks were flushed and she had an age of innocence about her.  Millie.  Millie, what the hell were you doing here?  As he raked his hands through his hair, in that moment, he noticed his beard had miraculously disappeared too.  And he got angry.  She had no right coming here and messing with his house, messing with him again.  Why is she dressed up like she is?  Why now?  The questions wouldn't stop. There was just no way of dispelling her from his mind.  Boy, he had tried but no matter how much he drank, no matter how hard he partied, she always remained there.  And now... now she was fast asleep on his couch, a world away.  But God, he missed her, he missed her so much.  His eyes were locked on a face he just couldn't erase. 

Standing he moved away from her, afraid, angry and confused.  He could do with a brandy but even that couldn't quench his thirst.  His thirst for her?  No, it couldn't be possible, could it?  He raked his hands through his hair again.  Heading to the kitchen for solace, far away from her.  He leaned against the counter, sipping a glass of water, forcing his heart to slow down, but the more he looked at her the more he became imprisoned in her presence.  It had been almost three years and she still had that hold on him.  It was overwhelming and frustrating,  he slammed the glass onto the granite surface of the kitchen island and felt a shearing pain course through his arm... the blood seeped out and suddenly, he felt very very sick.

The Reluctant Millie Bright

Chapter Nine
The Truth In Not So Many Words

Millie stayed in her room for the next week, resting her leg and using the quiet time to think.  Thinking.  That was all she ever did these days.  Think.  She was going mad, with her thoughts in constant circulation but she was also tired.  Tired of the scenery, of paradise, of the quietness and the loneliness she felt.  She had seen Liam twice in the last week, one to check that she was okay and that she had everything she needed and two from the beach below where he started to take lengthy walks.  He looked up and caught her staring from the balcony seat where she sat.  She'd blushed of course, just because she had been caught looking. 

She slowly started packing, she hadn't brought much with her but most of what she did wear but lent to her. She replaced them on their hangers, folded the garments and stowed them back in the drawers.  She was sad to leave Patty, Liam's cook who became her confidant and her friend.  She was funny, straight to the point and open to all sorts of mayhem.  Zipping up her bag, she thought she heard a light tap on the door and chose to ignore it, when it suddenly opened and Liam walked in. He was wearing khaki linen trousers and a navy shirt, the sleeves rolled up revealing tanned arms and a sprinkling of hair.  His eyes zeroed in on her bag.

They both spoke at the same time.

"I was just about to see you," Millie said.

Liam ignored her, "You want to go, don't you?"

"I don't belong here Liam.  I want to go home and go back to my life," Millie confirmed.

"After all that we've been through, you're going to leave me?" Liam said sitting down next to her.

"We were never together Liam, we may have been back in New York but things have changed, they've changed me.  I want to go home," Millie said, "I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear but that's how I feel."

"I can't persuade you to stay here? Not even for me?"  Liam said with sullen eyes.

"I want to go Liam, please let me go,"  Millie asked.

Liam shook his head, he was battling his emotions.  He loved her and if this is what it took to not lose her forever, in however twisted way that sounded, he would do as she wanted, "I'll let them know. Are you ready to go now?"

"Yes, as soon as possible." she said, getting up slowly.

"Okay," and with that he left her room.

***





Two And  A Half Years Later

"Thanks for coming Millie.  O-M-G, you look amazing! Your dress is to dye for.  How are you?" Sam screamed as she embraced her friend.

"Congratulations Sam, you make a beautiful bride," Millie smiled as she hugged her friend back.

"Oh stop Millie, you're just saying that.  I look like a beached whale is what I look like," Sam laughed as she rubbed her belly.

"How far along as you?" Millie asked.

"I'm four months along but boy it's great to be pregnant, I can eat as much as I bloody well want and no one can tell me otherwise.  I can't obviously drink champagne, but what's champagne compared to grilled calamari and a pig on a spit.  So tell me, what's happening with you? I want all the goss. Tell me!  Tell me! "

Millie watched Sam's eyes light up.  The wedding dress she wore was of the finest chiffon and ivory silk, encrusted with Swarovski crystals around her bodice and skirts.  Sam wore a diamond head piece and her pregnancy glow was all the make-up she needed.  Millie had chosen an evening gown made of strawberry blush chiffon to wear to the evening reception, one she had brought without so much as looking at the price tag.  She could afford these luxuries.  Having come back from St. Lucia she had flung herself into work and within a couple of months, earned the capital she needed to invest in her own company.  A company she was proud to call her own. 

"I've just been working Sam, y'know me," Millie replied.

"Work, scmirk.  That's all good and stuff, but I want to know the goss, like whatever happened to you and Liam? You guys were in the tabloids for ages and then suddenly you disappeared from the face of the earth with him and now you've reappeared, sans him. What's going on? I want to hear this from the horses mouth.  Go on, tell me,"  Sam almost squealed.

A man in a penguin suit approached and kissed Sam on the cheek, "Is my wife torturing you for information?" he chuckled as he squeezed his wife.

"Millie, I'd like to introduce you to my husband Elvin.  Elv this is my good friend Millie, who I used to work with at the restaurant back in the day," Sam beamed at her husband.

Elvin shook Millie's hand and smiled, "Great to meet you, I've heard a lot about you from Sam.  She thinks very highly of you and it's lovely to finally meet you."

"That's really sweet of you Sam, what have you been telling your husband about me now?" Millie beamed, "So Elv, what is it that you do? Sam never mentioned in passing..."

"I'm a DJ," he began when he spotted some of his friends entering the hall, "If you'll excuse me, my friends have just arrived." He kissed his wife and smiled softly at Millie, "If you'll excuse me, some important guests have arrived.  Lovely to have met you Millie."

  "You really ought to come around for some tea, when you're not busy of course.  You've been so busy lately, that this is probably the first time in eons that we've seen each other.  Ooh,  I can show you the nursery and what I'm planning to do with it.  You really have a good eye for that, you should definitely come round."

"I'd like that, where are you living at the moment?" Millie asked, grabbing a flute of champagne from a passing waiter.

"Chelsea,  we brought a town house, but you'd never guess who our next door neighbours are.   My God, I almost threw up when I found out, well, that was due to the morning sickness but maybe I was excited, I don't know but anyway- guess who?"

Millie had a tingle in her stomach, "I haven't the faintest idea."

"Hartley Armstrong and Frieda St Claire.  They are very private people though, y'know being mega move stars and all but Hartley's a big fan of Elv's DJing and he's been hanging out with Elv in the studio a lot," Sam said in between breathes, "Oh look, here they are now. Let's go and meet them."

Before Millie could decline, she was whisked in the presence of Hollywood Royalty.  It was Hartley that saw Millie first,  "Millie, is that you?" Hartley said, walking towards Millie and hugging her.  His wife Frieda looked haughtily at her.

"It can't be, can it?" Frieda said, eyeing Millie's dress, "How on earth are you able to afford that?"

"You'll have to excuse my wife, her compliments are with your dress but of course she is also happy to see you too Millie,"  Hartley commented dryly, annoyed at his wife.

Millie touched her dress and smiled sweetly, "This old thing was lying around, thought it would suit this occasion." 

"Lying around? Ha! In Gucci's fashion house?  It's not even out yet!" Frieda was perplexed.

"I know," Millie replied sweetly. 

Hartley interrupted his wife before she could get a word in edge ways, "Frieda, why don't you go and get me a whisky from the bar and whilst you're at it, get yourself a Cosmopolitan."  He glared at his wife and she shot off towards the bar. "I apologise about my wife Millie, she's still trying to get used to socialising with people. As you know, it's a work in progress."

"No need to apologise at all Artie." Millie flapped away his comment,  "How are you doing these days?"  Millie asked, sipping at her champagne.

"What am I not doing these days! Taking care of the kids, trying my hand at directing but it's not as easy as it looks, even with my experience. Very boring really. So tell me Millie, what are you up to these days?" Hartley asked.

"These days, I'm working in procurement," Millie beamed, "I purchase fashion commodities, sell on the web or distribute to fashion boutiques. Most of my sales are commission based and it's competitive but I thrive on a challenge.  It's fun."

"My goodness, you've been a busy bee, where do you even find the time to do anything else?"  Hartley smiled.

"I do a lot of travelling in my job and manage to squeeze in some leisure time then, it's not bad at all," Millie replied, "How are the children?"

"They're good, hyper... I can't fault Frieda on being a great mother because she is but... never mind.  How about you, any plans to have a batch of your own?" Hartley asked.

"Well you forget Hartley that in order to actually have a batch, I do need some of a man's best swimmers,"  Millie laughed as did Hartley.

"He misses you, y'know?"  Hartley said.

Millie stiffened, "Pardon?"

"Liam, he misses you," Hartley commented.  Since Liam had come back from St Lucia he'd been a different man.  A stranger.  The months that had surpassed, had turned his best friend into an angry bitter man, a man he no longer recognised.  A man he could not reach out to, and he had tried on so many occasions.  But Hartley knew his best friend and he knew why he was like this and that reason stood in front of him.  Millie had a distant look about her, as if she was anywhere but here, standing in front of him and he knew instantly, that she never forgot about him.  No matter how hard she tried.  No matter how they both tried.  They were both hurting.  Liam spent most of his time at home or getting pissed drunk at a number of bar hot spots.  He had declined work, to sit and brew about the past.  Hartley didn't know the full extent of what happened between him and Millie but he knew enough; enough to know that they both belonged together, "Call it a man's intuition but he's hurting, he doesn't say it in so many words but I know it's because of you Millie."

"Leave it alone Artie, this has nothing to do with you," Millie ground out.

"On this occasion, I would allow bygones to be bygones but I can't, he's like a brother to me... a brother, I could lose," Hartley lowered his voice, his glare penetrating her defences, "He hasn't been himself since he came back from St Lucia and I know it's because of you.  Please, just go and see him."

"No, I will not! We said what we needed to say a long time ago!" Millie said.

"Yes, fine.  But if you saw him now Millie, you would hardly recognise him.  Have you seen the headlines lately?  He hasn't been there for his acting, he's been there because he's disorderly, a drunk, a complete recluse.  People are talking, screw the people... I'm worried about him.  I haven't seen him like this since his brother died and that's saying something.  If you have any shred of decency, even as his friend, you would do the right thing and just try to see him, try to help him at least.  It would really help, please.  I don't beg for just anyone or anything, but I beg you for Liam."  Hartley was dumbfounded by how much emotion had been building up inside him. He exhaled, watching Millie contemplate it. 

Frieda approached with drinks and immediately sensed the tension, "What's going on?"

"Tell her Frieda, tell her that Liam isn't good, tell her that she needs to see him,"  Hartley demanded, his voice wavered with emotion. 

Frieda looked solemnly at her husband and hugged him, she turned towards Millie with a look upon her face, she too look sad, "Whatever my husband has said about Liam is true, he's not himself.  By God, he has tried on numerous occasions and more to help him, but it's like he doesn't want it.  It would be beneficial if you went to see him, please Millie. I know, I've not been the greatest person to be around but that's just my prerogative but if you say you cared for him at one point, just go and see him. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

Millie nodded, "Where is he now?"

"Probably at home, passed out.  We could get our chauffeur to drive you?"  Frieda insisted.

"That would be lovely," Millie smiled, "Thank you."

Millie sought out Sam, who was talking to one of her bridesmaids, "Sam, I'm so sorry I have to go."

"You're going? But why? You just got here,"  Sam did a puppy dog face.

"I'm sorry, it's an emergency.  I'll come and see you at your house next week okay? I'll give you a call, but I really have to go.  Congratulations Sam, you'll make a beautiful bride, a fantastic wife and the best mother to ever grace the planet."  Millie hugged her and dashed off outside.

***

The Reluctant Millie Bright

Chapter Eight

Foundations

The look in Millie's eyes said it all, she was scared.  His heart sank knowing that she had been put through hell and high water and he, he had just stood back like a helpless spectator.  He questioned God.  Wondered why he would punish her?  Why could he not punish him?  He deserved it.  Why punish such a beautiful, kind and spirited woman, his woman.  Why could God not punish him? 

He held Millie in his arms, she was seeking his warmth, as she burrowed in deeper and he held on tight, not willing to let go.  He still could not erase the images of the bite from her calf and the horror upon her face.  He would do anything to appease her of her suffering, the trauma she had faced in the last couple of weeks whilst vacationing with him, the trauma he caused when he didn't listen, when he was too goddamn big headed to acknowledge, she had been pregnant with his child.  He was infuriated with himself and he had no one to blame but himself.  So, be it.  He made a promise to himself that he would make amends.  He would set down their foundations together, they would start a new.  A fresh start.  He would no longer tie her down and if there was a day when she wanted to go, he would let her.  He didn't want to keep her against her will, not anymore.  He was tired of those tactics, those games.  If she went, he would deal with it.  He would. 

He heard her crying into his t-shirt and he could do nothing but console her, "Let it out Mills, let it out sweetheart, let it out."

She bunched up his t-shirt as the tears fell, like sullen rivers down her cheeks but he held on to her.  He knew there was a long way to go before she could smile again and he was determined that he would be that person, that man who would. 

Millie was motionless.  Liam knew she had fallen asleep and so, very gently he carried her towards her bedroom.  Laid her gently onto the four poster bed and covered her with a silken throw, as he turned to leave, she grabbed hold of his arm and very gently spoke, "Please stay with me, I don't want to be alone."

He simply nodded, took off his shoes and lay beside her.  She voluntarily went into his arms and fell asleep instantly.  Liam stayed awake, listened to her breathing.  Contemplating.  Ccontemplating a life without her and wondering how she could have evaded him.  She had always been in the back of his thoughts, the time that they had been separated wasn't a life at all.  He never forgot about her, never.  He loved her.  The realisation stunned him.  He loved her.  Usually he would be scared of the notion, but deep inside a glow spread around his heart, in his chest and he was left feeling wholesome, content.  Eventually, he fell asleep with her in his arms.

Millie looked around her and all there was, was the tranquil blue waters of the Caribbean and as she was floating in the shallow waters, she could see the little fish scuttling in shoals around her, a technicolour flash speeding around, creating a frisson of colour like a rainbow in the waters.  She looked around and saw bottle nose dolphins flying out of the waters away from her, their joyous chorus as they played around, the spray of the water drenching her hair.  She could only laugh and want to join in... a sharp black fin pointing skywards was zooming straight for her and she fought back a scream as she knew all too well, what it was... a shark.  As it approached her, it opened it's jaws, ready to snap, not before she saw Liam's body bundled inside, did she scream from the top of her lungs and lunged forwards...

The scream jolted Liam out of sleep and he immediately woke up to Millie thrashing in his arms, she was sweating.  God, she was sweating and he gently woke her up from her nightmare, "Millie, sweetheart, you're in safe hands, wake up."  She continued to thrash and her fist pummelled into his jaw without hesitation.  She woke up immediately, her eyes riveting back to reality and she looked wide eyed at Liam.  He was nursing his jaw, she had quite a punch on her. 

"Oh my God, did I hurt you?" she asked visibly shaken, as she touched his jaw.

"I'll live," Liam said, stroking the side of his face, "It was a bad dream Mills."

"It was awful Liam, awful.  I can't... the shark... it... it had you... I was trying to..." and Millie dissolved in a sea of tears, "I don't know... what to.. do."

Liam leaned forward and she was in his arms again, he was stroking her hair and calming her down with soothing words.  It was her that drew away from him and stared at him, stared at him with longing eyes and so help him, he could only do what was inside him.  He touched his lips to hers and she clung on, what was meant to be a soft kiss, spewed into a passionate embrace.  The heat between them was molten, hot and magnetic.  Millie held on for dear life, as Liam deepened the kiss, he was drugged, fueled on this crazy insane longing he'd kept buried for her.  Now, it was taking free reign over him and he rode the wave of intense pleasure. 

"Mills," Liam said drawing away, out of breathe, head swimming with thoughts only of Millie, "Do you want this? Tell me if you don't and I'll stop."

"No, I want this... I've never wanted anything more," Millie said, her eyes shone with determination.

That was all Liam needed to hear, as he gently peeled away her clothing, kissing her already swollen lips, trailing kisses from her neck, down her collar bone to the valley of her breasts.  His eyes feasted on her breasts, so round, so ripe, all for him.  Taking one of her breasts in his hand, he caressed her, touched her in the way she wanted to be touched and the only way he knew how.  His mouth hungry, took her nipple and he sucked gently.  He heard her moans, as he made his way down further to her inner core, lathering kisses down to her apex, "Open up your legs for me sweetheart."

Her legs parted and he began kissing her, separated the folds with his fingers as he seeked to soothe her clitoris with his tongue, he had missed the womanly taste of her and it was nothing like how he had replayed over and over in his head.  He licked his finger and gently probed the opening, her moans escalating as he watched his Millie coming to.  His mouth found the soft yet hard nub of her clitoris as she arched skywards, her orgasm reaching the hilt.  God, she was beautiful.  He increased the speed of his finger, pounding her and he willed himself not to come at the sight of her.  God, she was beautiful.  Her core muscles convulsed around him and he heard her come.  She was putty in his hands. He kissed his way back up to her, feeling the shudders emanating from her and almost missed her whispered thank you.

"You don't have to thank me Mills," Liam said, kissing her lips and the hollow of her neck.

She grabbed his t-shirt, drawing it to her and whispered, "I want you Liam... I want you inside me... please."

It was all she needed to say, he took off his t-shirt in one fluid motion and discarded his jeans and watched with wide eye amusement as Millie's eyes rounded on his manhood.  I hope she could take him, when he'd taken her with his mouth and finger, she was tight.  She surprised him, by taking him into her mouth and he almost came there and then, her mouth hot lava working it's fluid motion up and down his length.  He willed himself not to come, not to even go there, not until he was ready and inside her, "I've got to get a condom Mills."

"I'm on the pill," she shot out.

"If you're sure Mills," it was barely a whisper.

"I'm sure," she nodded and that was all Liam needed.  He kissed her, giving her time to change her mind and to give him time to get his bearings in the right order, "Liam, I want you now..."

Liam eased himself on his hands and slowly entered her. He gave her time to accommodate his size and he slowly paced himself and before he knew it, he was pounding into her soft sweet centre.  He told himself to be gentle, her calf was still recovering and he didn't want to injure or hurt her, she arched her back towards him and clutched him to her.  He kissed her lovingly and she shook out her orgasm, he thrust into her harder before she gasped out.  He could finally let go, as he moved inside her, he too could feel his oncoming orgasm and finally, he let go.  He collapsed on the bed beside her, trying to catch his breathe.  He could see her looking at him, he was spent.  He drew her to him and they both drifted to sleep.

***

It was Liam who woke up first, it was the middle of the night, awoken by the howling of the winds.  Millie was cuddled in the crook of his arm, her hand nestled on his flat stomach.  They had made love once after that, much slower that time.  He wanted her to know that he could do slow and sensual and when she became undone in his hands, he almost lost the it.  He looked at the clock, it was four in the morning and he was hungry.  He looked around for his jeans when Millie woke up with a sudden yawn.

"Good morning sleepy head," he smiled at her.

"Morning, how long was I out?"  she said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 

"A couple of hours, maybe more,"  Liam said, moving the hair from her face.

"I'm starving, have we got any food?" Millie asked.

Liam clutched his hand over his heart in a satire sort of way, "A woman after my own heart, I was thinking the exact same thing, stay here and I'll get us something."  He left the bed, picking up his jeans and putting them on and headed for the kitchen, he paused at the doorway and went back to the bed, kissed Millie bang on the lips and strode off. 

Ten minutes later, he strode back into her bedroom carrying a breakfast tray full of goodies and laid it on her bed, there, they devoured the contents of salt fish and plantain, fresh fruit salad, fresh coconut juice and a few of Patty's specialities.  Liam watched Millie as she sunk her teeth into fresh mango.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" she asked, tilting her head sideways.

"Because you have a bit of rice at the corner of your mouth?" Liam quipped, as Millie touched her mouth and noticed there wasn't anything there.

"You're mean," Millie said, rolling her eyes.

"Am not," Liam laughed sheepishly, "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm feeling good, better. You?" Millie asked.

Liam smiled, "I'm good, I'm better."

"So... what do you plan to do in the next couple of days or when are you planning to go back?" Millie asked.

"I'm not sure, whatever you want to do Mills.  I've told my agent I'm taking indefinite leave... so I'm not sure when I'll be going back to work," Liam said, picking up a grape and popping it into his mouth.

"But you love your job," Millie said in surprise.

"It's just a job at the end of the day Millie, it'll still be there when or if I return... it's not going anywhere,"  Liam replied.

"But, what are you going to do in the meantime?" she was absolutely clueless.

"I was thinking- only of course- if it was okay with you... if we could just hang out.  The last couple of weeks have put my life into perspective.  I don't want to be doing the same old thing over and over again, I just..."

"What are you trying to say Liam?" Millie asked, interrupting him.

"I don't want to go back to the rat race, I want to just be with you," he said.

"With me? Are you feeling pity for me?" Millie said disgusted, "Because I don't want your pity Liam Blake, I don't."

Liam exhaled, he had to be patient.  She obviously had gotten the wrong end of the stick, "That's not what I'm saying at all Mills-"

"Then what are you saying?  That because I gave my body to you, you want more? And the only way you can have more is if I stay with you in paradise?"  Millie was angry and he knew it.

"I refuse to argue with you Mills," Liam said.

"Why not? Why won't you argue with me?" Millie demanded.

"Because..." he just didn't want to admit it, he couldn't let it out like this, not in the middle of an argument.  A one sided argument.

"I'm right aren't I?  You just want my body, that's all you've ever wanted..."  Millie yelled.

"Yes, I want your body Mills... but I also want you. I want to laugh with you, I want to cry with you, I want to take your suffering away from you. God, I wish I could.  I hate seeing you this way but I want everything Millie. I want you in every way possible," Liam said, his hands raking through his hair, "I'm such an idiot... I've been in love you all this time and I've only just realised." Liam laughed because he knew he was coming across as a mad man.

Millie was speechless, she was looking at him with new eyes.

"I know I'm coming across as a complete lunatic," he said, looking intently at her, "But there's no denying it anymore, I'm undeniably, a hundred percent in love with you and there's just no going back for me on this.  And I know, I haven't been the greatest guy to you.  I have been the least deserving of you.  I should have treated you better but I can't change the past... I can only change the future.  Millie please, say something."

He was met with silence.

"I need some time Liam, please leave me alone," Millie said, turning away from him.

What could he do but do as she wished, he walked away with a heavy heart as he closed the door behind him and probably on the woman he loved, more then life itself.

The Reluctant Millie Bright

Chapter Seven

Consequences

Millie lost track of the days she spent in St Lucia.  She had become lost in her thoughts a lot of the time too.  Spending most of her days at the beach, staring out into the vast ocean, mesmerised that it could still take her breathe away after so many trips down here from Liam's house.  Millie could feel the sand between her toes and the smell of salt lingering in the air and then suddenly, she could hear screaming up ahead, in front of her..  Her head snapped towards the ocean and fifty metres away, there was someone thrashing around in the water. Without thinking, she ran towards the water and dove in. 

Liam had grown used to Millie's pattern of sorts in St Lucia.  It had been three weeks since they touched down and though the island provided sanctuary and a place for them to be themselves in an unobtrusive manner, the surroundings seemed to have separated them, even further.  Instead of drawing them closer, they seemed even more apart. He tried inviting her on road trips around the coast, introduce her to his few close friends on the island and even tried opening up to her, but she had refused his invites.  Millie just wanted to walk on the beach and be by herself and so he watched and he reluctantly let her.  Something was eating at him and he didn't know what it was, or how to fix it.  He'd waited patiently for her but he was fed up with being patient. All this time, he wanted to kiss her, make her see his side of the story, anything. He was frustrated.   He got up from the bench he had been sitting on and walked through the halls and that was when he heard the screaming. He knew immediately that it was coming from the  beach and as he opened the doors and rushed onto the second floor balcony, he saw Millie running towards the sound, but what Millie didn't see was the shark fins in the water. Liam didn't even think about it, he bolted to the beach. 

Millie dove into the water, she hadn't swam in a long time and she couldn't think of the last time she did, but like riding a bicycle, you never forget.  She swam as fast as she could towards the screaming.  Her denim shorts weighing her down as she swam, she was reaching them only to realise that the water around her wasn't as crystalline blue as she had imagined.  It was murky red, crimson and the alarm bells started ringing.  She stopped in mid-stroke and looked around her and she saw a woman being thrashed about in the water, like a rag doll. The shock was written all over her face, she was the colour of the puffy white clouds above and as her eyes touched upon Millie's, it was as if she had seen through her. She was obviously bleeding out. From the corner of her eye, she saw a black fin pop out of the water and disappear.  Please God.  Please.  Millie pleaded.  She couldn't look into the water because it had turned a deep dark red.  She looked towards the woman, her eyes unmoving as she bobbed up and down like a champagne cork. What should she do? Dear Lord, please have mercy. Please... a thousand millions daggers shot up her leg and she was dragged under.  She could think of nothing but death, pain and that she would never see Liam again.  

Liam was on the open water with three lifeguards and a doctor on board the boat.  They were racing towards the dark red patch of water in the midst of what was beauty in paradise. Not anymore.  He saw Millie, the fright written all over her face.  Her red blouse soaked in blood and he was almost there, almost... but almost wasn't close enough, Liam's worst fears were confirmed; Millie disappeared from the surface. Liam's heart jumped to his throat as he screamed out her name and wanted to jump in, but was held back by the life guards. He was frantic, more then frantic he was crazy and he had no control over it. None whatsoever.  He searched the cloudy waters for any signs of her, nothing. He prayed to a God, he hadn't prayed to in a long time and suddenly, one of the lifeguards spotted her on the other side of the boat, she was sputtering water and without thinking, he dove in, helped her up into the waiting arms of the lifeguards and immediately saw the gross bloody mark on her leg.  

***

The white sterile room, was plain but it was the level of medical care Liam was paying for that was important. He had been sitting vigil at Millie's bedside for a couple of hours now.  The doctors had sedated her and the image of her being pulled out of the ocean kept replaying in his mind and he couldn't get the image of her calf out of his mind either.  Luckily the shark hadn't penetrated too hard or bitten off her leg but it had left bite marks.  Luckily they had gotten her out of the water, into a chopper and flown her to the nearest hospital.  She was stable and was now in intensive care.  She had lost some blood but as the doctor had put it, had a lucky escape.  As for the woman, her severed head had been floating a few metres away from the boat and it took a lot of courage not to think about what could have happened to Millie.

The sunlight escaped the blinds, it was a beautiful morning.  Millie woke up from a haze and a bad dream where she had come face to face with one of nature's dangerous predators, the great white shark.  When she opened her eyes and her eyes focused on her leg, she let out a yelp, awakening her visitor who was slumped against a chair beside her.  It was Liam and this had to be a dream, what the hell was going on? She tried getting up but her energy reserves were zapped and she felt like either she had been drinking heavily the night before, or she hadn't eaten in a very long time.  Liam was awake now, gently settling her back into the bed.  

"Mills, calm down.  You're okay," he said groggily. 

"What happened?" Millie asked, there was silence and she asked again, "What happened?!" she almost yelled. 

"You were bitten by a shark, a great white they say... but something must have happened... or..." Liam tried to finish his sentences, but he was finding it hard.  The emotion caught in his throat. 

"Did it take my leg? Can I walk?"  Millie asked, searching his face for answers. 

"You were lucky Mills, so lucky... it was a bite mark, you have tissue damage that could take a couple of months to recover but there's no nerve damage, no nothing.  You had a lucky escape," Liam said, taking her hands in his and feeling that they were cold. 

"Is the woman okay?" Millie asked, not caring for herself. 

It took a while for Liam to register what she was asking and he took a deep breathe and shook his head.  Millie nodded in acknowledgement.  And then there was silence. 

***

Two weeks later, Millie was discharged from hospital and was flown by chopper back to Liam's house on St. Lucia. Of course, he had fussed over her and made all the arrangements for her comfort.  He had carried her into the house where they met Patty his house keeper at the door, she opened her arms wide and took her into a bear hug. 

"How are you doing my darlin'?" she asked in her St. Lucian accent, "My my, it's glad to have you back, I've missed having you keep me company. Liam, you better sit her down here and I'll cook her up a storm and fatten her up." 

Liam did as he was told and sat her down on the couch and slid a foot stool to support her leg, whilst it recuperated and he disappeared out the door.

"I'm fine thanks Patty, how are you doing?" Millie asked. 

"Darlin' I'm good good, don't worry about me.  I'm made of stern stuff... but my darlin', poor Liam he's been wracking his mind about you.  He's thinking that this trip was a bad idea, that everything was a bad idea.  He can't seem to get past that every decision he's made, has resulted in you going into harm's way. Poor boy, thinking that.  Of course, the Lord only puts us through things he know we can survive.  And God works in mysterious ways, however hard them ways be, or how we take 'em.  You just hang in there," Patty said, pointing a wooden spoon towards the doorway, "I think that man there, has realised something... and that something is that you are important to him... and he's gonna be trying his damn hardest to please you.  You hear what I'm saying darlin'?"

Millie digested that said information as Liam walked back into the room with her hospital bag, "What are you two ladies talking about?"

"Never you mind Liam, this is girl's talk.  Why don't you make yourself useful and go down to the market and get me some salt fish and plantain. Leave us girls to catch up." Patty said, leading Liam out of the door.  When she heard Liam leave by the front door, she sat down beside Millie, "You look like you need to get some stuff off your chest my darlin'- why don't you pretend I'm one of your girlfriends, eh?" 

And so, with complete ease Millie began talking, getting everything out in the morning.  Leaning towards someone who wasn't in the picture, who could clearly see out of the box. After everything was spoken, Patty didn't say anything.  She just looking at Millie. 

"You've been through a lot, but so have a lot of people, but that's not to say that your problems aren't any less important.  Some people make mistakes, more then others and no one is perfect, no matter how popular they are, how many films they've made or the degree of money they got.  Trust me.  Regardless of that, we all are the same.  Life happens, you got to roll with the punches but I know that Liam loves you, though he don't know it yet.  Y'know you are the first woman he brought here to this place, says a lot about the man.  At first, I thought it strange that he hasn't brought a woman home, I was starting to think the man was gay but when you walked through the door, I thought what a stunning little thing you are."

"What do you think I should do?" Millie asked bravely.  Because she didn't know what to do. Everything that had happened in such a short amount of time, had happened with Liam in it. Was it a sign that they were meant to be together? 

"I say, you should talk to him.  The poor guy has been worried sick about you, I only have to look at him to know that," Patty said, clutching Millie's hand, "If you don't talk to him, all of this... of what you've been though, would have been for nothing."

"Why do you know so much?" Millie asked. 

"It's not about knowing darlin', it's about doing things right and going with your heart," Patty said. 

"How do I know what's in my heart and what's in my head?" Millie asked. 

"You will know... Liam is a good man, take my word for it darlin'. You just have to wait and see,"  Patty said, resuming with chopping the vegetables.

The front door opened and Liam walked in with the ingredients Patty needed, setting it on the table and sitting next to Millie, "How are you doing?" He asked. 

"I'm okay," Millie said shyly, observing him, "How are you?"

"I'm okay, if you're okay. I did want to ask you about your plans... what you wanted to do, whether you wanted to stay here or to go back home, provided that you had the care..." Liam began.  He couldn't express himself as well.  He was nervous, but he didn't want to let on that he was.  He was hoping she wanted to stay regardless of what had happened in the last two weeks, "Whatever you want." 

"I guess, staying it would be fine.  Just don't let me anywhere near the water..." Millie said, taking a gulp. 

"I won't let you anywhere near it, unless you tell me otherwise," Liam said comfortingly, "Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?"

"Actually, there is one thing," Millie asked. 

"And what's that?" Liam looked at her.

"Could you give me a hug and tell me that everything will be okay?" Millie asked.  

She didn't need to ask, he just did... he was so worried about her, that was what he had been wanting to do but was afraid that his actions would be seen as aggressive.  And as he hugged her in his arms, and she held on tight, he wanted to tell a great deal of things but there would be a time and place for that.  He would put off his next project, even his career, for her and her recovery. Because at the end of the day, she was all that mattered to him. 

The Reluctant Millie Bright

Chapter Six

Sunnier Skies

"We have eight hours or so before we land in St. Lucia.  Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me how you obtained those?"  Liam said leaning towards Millie, his gaze diverted to the scars on her person. 

She may be comfortably seated but opening up was a different story. 

"It depends on what you want to know," Millie said, trying to skirt around the subject.

"Let's not be coy here Millie.  I want to know the truth," Liam said.

"But why? You never cared about the truth when I went to see you.  And all of a sudden, you want to be my new best friend." Millie said sarcastically as she avoided his gaze and stared out the window.

"When did you come to see me?" Liam said puzzled.

Millie laughed.  It wasn't funny.  She had to laugh because life was an obstacle.  A mess.  She laughed because what else could she say, or do.  She laughed because, maybe this was fate's cruel joke.  She couldn't stop laughing.

Liam looked worried, confused even.  He just didn't understand anything and Millie was coming across completely out of character which was scaring him, "I don't think this is a funny situation."

"Oh, but it is," Millie laughed, "It is."

"Enlighten me, because I don't find it very funny," Liam scowled.

"Well, it's funny because after all that's happened- now you're concerned... now you want to know... when, quite frankly, there is not much to know. That is what is funny," Millie smiled.  She was probably coming across as a complete lunatic but she just didn't care.

"Millie, you're speaking in riddles.  What on earth are you talking about?" Liam asked. 

"What am I talking about? What on earth are you talking about?" Millie said.

Liam looked at the woman who was sitting in front of him.  Not only was she being difficult, there was sadness in her eyes and he didn't like it one bit.  It was sunny outside and they hadn't incurred any turbulence.  He could play this game if he had to, they were going to be in the air for eight hours, there was no escape-unless you called escape, the bedroom on the other side of where they were sitting but he tried not to think about that.  He couldn't.  How could he think about sleeping with her when it was obvious that those scars were disturbing him.

"What? Don't want to answer my questions? Don't like being interrogated?"  Millie asked.

"I don't mind answering questions, if I have answers to them Millie," Liam said, taking a sip of his water, "I can see your reluctance in answering my questions leaves me with the assumption that whatever led to those scars was something pretty horrific, something you don't want to deal with. Not with me perhaps, not now, maybe not ever but I'm worried about, I really am.  Whether you choose to believe me or not," Liam said looking Millie in the eye.

There was another silence. A silence that seemed to stretch.  A silence that was both meaningful and full of anxiety.  Liam could feel the vulnerability emanating from Millie, he wanted to help her.  Understand her, if only she would let him in.  When he looked up at her, her eyes watered. 

"The day I came to see you at your apartment, it was the day you were flying out on location, do you remember?" Millie asked.  Her face looked solemn, which made his insides go funny.

"Yeah, I do," he responded, "What about that day?"

"I stood in your apartment urging you to listen to me because I had something to tell you.  You wanted to talk once you touched down on the other side and I needed to tell you in person but you just didn't care about me or our baby. You just cared about getting out of New York and on a plane far away from me!" Millie's voice rose but she stopped to take a breathe.

"I do care about you Millie, that's why I offered to call you when I touched down. I'm sorry I couldn't listen to you there and then, I had to be somewhere," Liam said and it suddenly dawned on him, "Baby?"

Millie ignored his last question, she just wasn't ready to touch on that just yet.  She had to get whatever guilt, anger out of the way, "Yes, it was obvious back then that your work took priority over me. Your girlfriend?!"

"Millie you got it all wrong," Liam began but he was shut down by Millie's fury.

"No, you got it wrong!" She pointed at him, "I found out I was pregnant that very morning and in my utter joy and absolute happiness I thought I would share it with you because we made this life inside of me. Sure I was a little nervous to tell you, you only ever told me once that you deeply cared for me... never that you loved me.  But on that hunch, I thought,  if he's only mentioned once that he cares for me then it must mean he loves me.  But how stupid and naive was I?  I wanted to tell you then, because it made me happy and I hoped it would make you happy too but life doesn't work that way for me.  It never did, when it came to you.  When push came to shove, I thought maybe you would have changed, you would let me in or that there would be a place for me somewhere in your hectic life but that day, pretty much told me everything.  And when you finished on location, I thought I would hear from you but I didn't and that was pretty much the nail on the coffin."

"Millie please... listen to me... I was an arsehole back then.  I admit, I was too caught up in my work and I apologise but you should have told me, you should have tried harder," He was met with a slap.

"Don't you fucking dare turn this on me you arsehole, don't you fucking dare!" there were daggers in Millie's eyes, "I tried to tell you but you kept telling me that we'd talk after you landed... that wasn't good enough for me."

"So what happened to our baby then?" Liam asked.

"I was five months along when I was attacked,"  Millie said, wiping the tear that rolled down her cheek, "I was so tired being on my feet for so long that my boss sent me home.  I didn't want to because I needed the money but he said, 'I was no good to him, if I was asleep on my feet' - so he sent me home.  It was cold and I didn't have enough money for a taxi or a bus, so I walked it.  I walked and walked and then I was cornered. There was no one around.  I gave up my belongings willingly and then, they must have thought I had something in my jacket because of my bump. I tried to close my jacket because I was cold but I don't remember much after that... it was kind of hazy after that.  I remember waking up in a pool of blood and someone reassuring me that everything was going to be alright.  I think I blacked out then.  I later found myself in a hospital bed and was told by the physician, the doctor that I had lost her. I had lost my baby girl," Millie said, her head in her hands as all the grief, the guilt ran through her.

Liam unbuckled his seat belt and brought Millie into his arms, she didn't push him away.  She cried even harder into him and he hugged her, for dear life.  It was a shock to the system, hell, it was more then a shock.  Whilst he had been living his life with numerous film projects, she had been struggling to support herself and what, because of his pig-headiness.  His greed, his selfishness.  He couldn't forgive himself.  His Millie was far from being alright, she was a mess.  He need only hear her crying to know that she hadn't gotten over the traumatic experience and the loss of their child.  If he had just stayed and listened to her, they would be going on holidays with their daughter. He would never forgive himself.  He wanted to jam his fist into the wall or smash his head against it.  He was angry more with himself then Millie.  How could he be mad at her?  She had done her duty by trying to tell him but he was a fool for not listening.  God, he would make it up to her, he would spend his life trying to make it up to her.  And as he was comforting her, he already knew that he would. -

The pilot spoke through the intercom to tell them that they had landed in beautiful tropical Saint Lucia.  Millie had fallen asleep in Liam's arms after crying.  He nudged her gently and she woke up, the look on her eyes reminded him of a baby.  She looked so innocent, so vulnerable and something inside of him kick started.  The feeling in the pit of his stomach was unfamiliar, "We're here Millie."

"Here?" she said dazed.

"Saint Lucia, remember?" he whispered.

She nodded, "How long do I have to stay here?"

He was taken aback by her question, she wanted to be rid of his company already.  He was disappointed, he hoped that they could re-patch where they left off, he wasn't going to push her as she was like glass in his rough hands.  He was going to give her a choice and they would take each day as it comes, ignoring her question he touched her face, "Let's take it each day as it comes, if you hate it here, you can take the jet back home."

She somehow nodded, reluctant but willing to take a teeny weeny bit chance on him.

***

Millie had taken a shower and dried her hair, slipped into a tea dress and flip flops.  The weather was tropical hot, she wanted to wear a bikini but her body as well as her confidence wasn't the same after the attack and losing Lucy.  She had decided to call her daughter Lucy, because she wanted to keep Liam in the frame.  If it was only the letter 'L'.  When Liam had driven them from the airport to his massive hilly mountain mansion over looking the azul sea, he had said that St Lucia was named after Saint Lucy of Syracuse, the first French colonizers.  What a coincidence.  She wasn't about to share that, she didn't want to think that there could be a future for them, because how could there be.

She walked out onto the balcony where a table full of fresh fruit and food were laid out, her stomach grumbled, only realising now that she hadn't eaten anything on the flight and hadn't had breakfast.  She was famished.

"Don't be a stranger, help yourself," came the voice behind her.  She spun around and saw him leaning again the door, clad in khaki linen shorts and a white polo shirt, "You must be starving."

"Thanks," she sat down and helped herself.

"You can take today to get settled, to sleep.  If you want I can show you around, there's an infinity pool downstairs or a gym?" She could tell he was walking around eggshells around her.

"You don't have to do that, y'know," she said looking at him.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Try to be extra nice to me, walking on eggshells around me," she said, tucking into some guava.

He walked towards her and sat down, he waited for both her hands before he took them in his and she had a startled expression written all over her face, "I don't want to hurt you anymore Millie.  I am such an idiot, a dick.  I've been thinking, whatever I said, I did. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do.  Please, just let me make it up to you. I want to share your pain, I want to be there for you. Just... just take each day with me...and I promise you, I won't ever..."

"Please let's not talk about this... I just want to be someone other then me for the day or days or however long.  Coming out to you, telling you has been a relief.  I just want to move on," Millie said.

Liam nodded in understanding, "Of course, take however long you need. I'll be here for you."

"As my friend, I hope," Millie smiled.

Liam didn't like the word 'friend' but he was willing to take it and perhaps in time, persuade her differently.