29 June 2011

Have You Ever


...  wished you could read men's minds?

It's been almost two weeks since I last saw Jack- he hasn't called but why would he? It's not like he has my mobile number.  I haven't even seen him in Sainsburys.  It's funny, he showed signs that we might have had potential as a couple but maybe I put too many of my eggs in one basket. I guess it's just my bad luck then.

Work has been keeping me out of trouble, which is a Godsend, otherwise I would be analyzing and over analyzing every fragment of conversation, every touch, eye contact, everything.  The bruise on my temple has gone through a spectrum of colours the last few days, from yellow, to blue, to purple, to green and now it's back to yellow.  The day has been busy and I'm thankful more so, because it's been raining a lot and usually when it's raining the customers tend to not want to come into the shop. 

It's fast approaching early evening and I close up shop and head to Sainsburys to pick up a few items before I head home. Sainsburys is hardly packed at eight in the evening and I stow items in my basket and my heart jumps because only meters away, I spot Jack looking at some lentils. I walk gallantly towards him, telling myself to stop overreacting at the sight of him.

"Hey you," I smile, invading his space.  When he turns around, I realise it's not him at all... but someone that looks a lot like him and I want to run a mile, "I'm sorry, you look a lot like someone I know... I...err... umm.."

He smiles and I notice dimples, which only rockets my inability to breathe, "No worries, I get that a lot... more then you know actually. So, who do I remind you of?"

"Just someone I know... doesn't matter, well, sorry to have bothered you," I say leaving to go.

"Wait!" I hear him say and turn towards him, "I don't make a habit of doing this, but would you like to go for a drink? I have a mate who owns a bar, you're more then welcome to join me."

Is he actually asking me out? I barely know him.  For all I know he could look like a prince but is a Psycho underneath, the thought sends shivers down my spine- but would it hurt, if I lived a little and go for drinks with him? Seriously, it's in public. Fred, get a grip, I tell myself.

"Yes, that would be lovely," I hear myself say, am I coming across as easy?  God I hope not.


As we're walking to the bar on the main road, having past my bakery and towards the canal where this bar is situated, I learn a lot about Nate, though his actual name is Nathaniel but he prefers to be called Nate. I learn that he co-owns a carpentry business with his brother and he mostly provided the bar with it's furnishings. We get to the bar, though I hardly ever noticed it before, as it's off the main road down a side street and is called, The Church. The Church? It doesn't look like a church, am I missing something.  As if reading my mind, Nate offers explanation to why it's called that, due to the mahogany style pew seating and the grandeur you would only ever expect from some thing like a Church.  We enter the bar and he's right, it feels like a Church but strangely like a bar at the same time. There are chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and stainless glass windows but the bar is so modern with it's lighting, that I'm left slightly in a daze by it.

We sit at the bar because Nate's good friends with the bar owner, which I'm presuming is the tall blonde guy just drawing a pint.  After the guy's served the customer, he comes on over and I get introduced to him, his name's Larry and has a strong Aussie accent. He asks me what I drink and I watch as Larry and Nate exchange conversation whilst Larry makes me my vodka and lemonade.  After a while,  I excuse myself and scurry over to the toilets on the other side, the toilets are like confession booths, dark yet intimate... not that one wants to get intimate with their pee but y'know what I mean.  I head back to the group of people who have since joined us, a girl called Laura who is a lesbian and is not afraid to show it-she's beautiful with long blonde hair and blue eyes, has been staring down every other girl who enters the bar; she's a laugh, if not a little out there and accompanying her is her friend Sammy, a guy with razor sharp cheekbones, who you'd expect to have walked out of a GQ magazine spread. Falling into conversation with them is easy, because they're fun and frivolous.  Larry has made me another vodka and lemonade, my third one and I'm surprised I'm not toppling over when suddenly from the corner of my eye, Nate is chatting to someone by the door and I realise it to be only one person, Jack.  They're edging towards us and Nate starts to make introductions.

"Fred, I'd like you to meet my brother Jack... Jack this is Fred," Nate says, catching on to both our hesitations, "Do you know each other?"

I'm about to speak but Jack gets in there, "Yeah, we do," he says looking at me intently. So intently, I feel like I'm the only one he sees.

"Oh, how did you two meet?" Nate asks, looking from Jack to me.

"Sainsburys," both Jack and I chime.

Nate smacks his brother across the chest in a brotherly way, "No fucking way! I just met Fred in Sainsburys today- which makes sense, because she must have thought I was you."

I look at Nate who's grinning like the cat who got the cream and I feel myself turning redder by the minute.  Nate smacks us both on the shoulders and pushes us together, I think he's had far too much to drink, because the push is more like a shove and we end up colliding into each other, whereby I have to cling onto Jack to keep from falling to the floor like a heap. I stand back from him and look him straight in the eye.

"How are you Frederica?" he says in my ear.

I shrug, "Good, good and you?"

"Busy, sorry I haven't called or been to see you... I've been working to expand the business..." Jack offers explanation.

"No, no, it's cool... it's not like we're a couple or anything..." I laugh mostly out of pure nervousness and I'm only left wondering where my 'comfortableness' has gone. I look to the ground as if all the answers are there but he tips my chin up with his finger and I'm forced to stare at him.

"Is that what you would like us to be? A couple?" he asks.

I'm about to respond to him, but nothing comes out... I'm speechless.  Jack is about to say something back but Laura jumps into the conversation, like literally jumps between us. She hugs Jack and adopts a baby voice, y'know those voices that girls use to talk to their boyfriend, especially when they want something.  Her voice has is high pitched and whiny.

"Jacky poo poo, where have you been... I've missed you," she says, her lips pouting, as if she expects him to pat her back or something.

He hugs her back and she stares at him and continues a conversation, making me feel on the side lines. I turn around and notice that Sammy is talking to a bloke and Larry and Nate are chatting to two brunettes.  I feel left out and I look at my watch and notice it's late.  I walk over to Nate and Larry and tell them I'm off and they both give me a hug and tell me to pop in again soon. Nate tells me, he'll get my details off Jack but I tell him Jack doesn't have mine, so I hand him a business card and I leave. I say goodbye to Sammy and try to find Jack and Laura but they seem to have moved over to the bay windows. I want to say goodbye to them but they look in deep conversation and I don't want to interrupt, so I grab my bags and head on out.  Thankfully, it's a beautiful night, it's warm and home is only a few blocks away.  Why am I analyzing my brief moment with Jack, it's not like we managed to talk, ah well... maybe it wasn't meant to be.  He couldn't possibly have called me because he doesn't have my contact details. Ah crap!

When I get home, Ronan is in the living room with a glass of red watching TV, "What time do you call this?"

"What are you, my mother?" I reply sarcastically in our friendly banter way.

"I don't wish that on anyone," he laughs, "Come sit down and have some red with me."

I sit down next to him and notice he's watching The Tudors, uh oh... it's a sign, when you catch Ronan drinking red wine and watching the Tudors, not all is well in relationship-ville or shagville for that matter.

"What's the matter?" I ask, pouring red into a wine glass.

"I met an amazing guy today, so amazing, I think he could possibly be the one..." Ronan takes a large gulp.

"But?" I ask.

"He's engaged... and they're getting married next month," Ronan says, "But if you could have one conversation with him Fred, you'd fall in love with him too... just my bad luck. I actually find a guy, who I could see myself being with and I haven't shagged him yet but anyway, must not fret, there's are tons more men I haven't shagged. So, tell me, why are you late?"

"I was out drinking... in The Church, amazing bar, never knew it existed because it's on a side street but prior to that I got asked out to go there by a guy, Nate who I thought was Jack, but is in fact Jack's brother and well, Jack eventually came round and I didn't really get to talk to him because some lesbian just took him away and by the time I left, well... I just..."

"And where exactly did you meet Nate?" Ronan asks.

"In Sainsbury's," I reply.

"What does Nate look like exactly?" Ronan asks, always asks for description.

"Well, he's tall, has brown hair and pretty eyes, a lad's lad... completely the opposite of Jack who's quite quiet..." I reply.

"Y'know what they say about the quiet ones, you gotta watch out for those... by the way, has the lesbian got any gay friends?" Ronan asks.

"The lesbian, her name's Laura... she does have a friend called Sammy who looks like a model from GQ, no idea if he's gay or not though, sorry... but next time, come down the bar- they always seem to be there," I reply. It's coming to twelve and I deposit my wine glass in the sink and head on to the bathroom to get showered and ready for bed. As I'm changing in the bathroom, there's a knock on the door and I open it, it's Ronan.

"Jack's in the living room..." he says, "Had to let him in as didn't want to come across rude."

"Why is he here?"I whisper.

Ronan shrugs and heads to his bedroom.  I can't exactly change into anything but I walk out in what I've put on a pink camisole and the white shorts to go, except these are more like daisy dukes, my hair is wet and is hanging limply on my shoulders.  As I approach the living room, Jack is leaning forwards, hands together and is staring at the floor.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, because I'm tired and really want to go to bed.

He stands up, "I just wanted to check you got home okay,"

"Well, as you can tell... I'm fine."

"Why did you give your details to Nate and not me?" he's not budging.

"Pardon?" I ask, confused.

"Why. Did. You. Give. Your. Details. To. Nate. And. Not. Me?" Jack says again.

"What's this all about?" I say, rubbing my forehead, I feel a headache coming on... mostly due to my alcohol assumption then the situation.

"I just want to know," Jack says.

"Wow, you just want to know... like wanting to know why the sky is blue and the grass is green" I reply back sarcastically.

"Are you and Nate a couple or something?" he asks ignoring my response.

"That's none of your business," I'm fuming, what a prick, "Why the sudden interest all of a sudden, eh? Because someone showed an interest, other then you... is that why alarm bells are ringing or is it because you're jealous?"

He's silent.

"You're jealous of Nate, your brother? Because he asked me out for drinks..." I laugh.

"My brother has a way with women Fred," Jack says, "Especially with my women."

"Well, you're in luck then Jack, I'm not his woman and I certainly am not yours..." I walk towards the front door and he follows, "I'd like you to leave please."

"Fred," Jack begins.

"Just go... let's not make this worse then it already is," I open the door and Jack walks out, he turns around to face me but I don't give him a chance to speak. I close the door and hopefully he gets the hint.

21 June 2011

Have You Ever


... Just wished you took your time in the rain?

"Yes, she is my sister," I confirm to Jack, he nods. I turn away from him, I better just cut my losses and go back in.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asks, surprised.

"Back in," I say.

"But why?" he asks puzzled, "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, nothing that I don't already know," I reply, not looking up at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks touching my arm as I try to escape.

"For someone I've just met, you ask a whole lot of questions," I say, because he does and he's making me nervous.

"Well, try not to be so secretive then," he replies. He's still holding my arm and I look at him and he lets me go, "So, what is it you already know?"

I decide whether I tell the truth in it's purest form, where I disclose a part of me I have never shared with anyone else or go with another lie. Should I go with risk or stay safe in the acknowledgement that I can't be hurt. I can't decide.

"Is it so hard to open up?" he asks after a long pause.

"Yes," I reply.

"Okay, let's trade? It's only fair," he compromises but I still feel like I'm being backed into the corner. "A bit of info between us, what's said, stays between us.  Okay, let's see-I'm one of five brothers, I'm the middle child. I like spending my weekends with my grandmother, she has amazing stories from when she was digging for Victory in World War II and other things and because she refuses to go into a home for the elderly, it's my duty to take care of her. I like water sports and water theme parks, so you could say I'm a big kid." He grins.
My heart does a little flip when he talks about his grandmother, it's endearing and utterly sweet.

"So, tell me somethings about you?" he asks.

I exhale, undecided, can I really trust this bloke? What the hell, I haven't taken a risk in forever, "My sister and I have a complex relationship, by complex- she's a bitch. The last time I saw her, she broke my boyfriend and I up and stole him away from me.  She's older then me by six minutes and has always made me aware of that fact.  She's attention seeking and everyone seems to be far more interested in her, then me- so if you'll excuse my abruptness earlier, that was what that was about."
There's silence and I'm feeling like I've laid my soul bare to this complete stranger.

"Thanks for the news flash there... but I didn't really want to know about your sister" he says, "I wanted to know about you."

"Me? But I told you about me," I reply confused.

"No, your sister is a bitch- I get that, no disrespect to you but what kind of sister is she anyway.  You're much better off without her. I wanted to know something about you Frederica."

"What do you want to know?" I reply, taken aback by his words- he's the first person in a bloody long time that just doesn't give a shit about her.

"Your favourite music, your favourite things, anything... the only two things I know about you are one; your name is Frederica, which by the way is much more sexy then Fred and two; you're a baker." Jack asks patiently.

Did he just say my name is sexy, I have to tell myself to calm down before I become a pile of mush at his feet.

"I love the smell of coffee in the morning and I love long walks on the beach, even though I haven't seen the beach in a very long time. I love rock and roll music, something I've been teased about since I was a young kid and I realise how hungry I am right now," I say the last bit more for myself then to him.

He smiles, "Do you wanna grab a bite to eat?"

I'm about to reply but I'm stunned by the gale force wind and the rain showers.  It was Summer only moments ago, what's going on? We make a beeline for the front door of the exhibition and as I'm climbing the steps, I miss one and hit my head on the banister on the way down and then it's black.


I don't know how long I've been out of it, but I know that my head really hurts. As I come to, I realise there are about five faces staring down at me and I honestly feel like one of those bodies on those shows where they dissect and prod you for scientific purposes.  I wince at the light.  I can hear the mutter of voices debating on whether to take me to hospital and get checked out or to leave me lying there and get a medic instead.

"Seriously guys, stop fussing over me... I'm fine," I say to everyone within hearing distance.

"You have a bloody big bruise Fred," Charlotte points out.

"I'll live, besides people have lived with far worse," I reply, trying to get up but am only nudged back down.

"I think we need to take her to the hospital," that's Jack voice I hear saying.

"Seriously guys, I'm fine," I say again but am ignored.

"Well Frederica, you won't mind it if we bring you there for peace of mind then?" he assures me.

"I'll take her," everyone seems to chime in.

"I'll go myself, thank you very much," I say proudly.

"You're so stubborn Fred, at least one of us will take you and then take you home," I hear Toni comment.

"I'll take her," it's Jack again, "And I'll take care of her, besides Charlotte you have this exhibition and your need your mates around for support."

There's silence, just plenty of nodding. Suddenly, I'm in Jack's arms being ushered into the back of a black taxi and heading off to the hospital. He doesn't say anything to me on the ride there, just strokes my head and my arm, it's comforting and a little bit arousing, if I'm honest. I'm checked out by the doctor and am told after a few hours of waiting for the results of CT scans, that I'm fine. Just a bit of bruising to the head but it should go down in a few days. I walk to the taxi rank and get into a black taxi, Jack follows suit.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, after we settle into the back seat.

"Hungry," I reply, "You?"

"Same, you got any food in your house?" he asks.

"I don't think so," I reply.

Jack leans into the driver and says something and the taxi driver turns around.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Going to grab a takeaway and then we're heading back to yours," he smiles.

Jack orders mostly everything on the menu at Nandos and we take a taxi back to the house.  If this were another night, it would be date night but unfortunate or fortunate for me, depending on how you look at things, he comes home with me and we share the food out on the living room rug. He even paid for the taxi and the food, so really, it feels like a date night.

"Have you seen any of my sister's films?" I ask Jack, who has just popped an olive into his delectable mouth.

"Honestly, I saw one, it was the rom-com a few years back when I was with a girlfriend at the time... it was alright, typical rom-coms as they are, I'm more an action guy. How about you, you like rom-coms?" Jack leans back on his arms.

"I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't love them, they're all different just the same formula. What's your favourite film?" I ask tepidly.

"That's a very good question, just like, what's your favourite song, I can never decide- let me think," I watch as his brows furrow, "300, that's one of my favourite movies... it's a guy's movie, have you seen it? What did you think?"

"Yeah, I saw it," I say, only at the pressure of Ronan who has a complete crush on Gerald Butler, "It was a testosterone packed film, great effects though."

"Yeah, that was what I thought... how about you?"

"Me, well... that one's easy... Charlie & The Chocolate Factory... the original, not the done up version by Tim Burton, err, that's scary as hell and any kid who would have seen that, I would be surprised if they didn't have nightmares," I quip.

"You really are a foodie, aren't you?" he whispers, leaning forward.

"Foodie, as in, I just love food?" I answer his question, with another question. The conversation between us, just flows naturally.

"Yeah, not only do you have your own bakery business but you love foodie films too, it's cute," he smiles cheekily.

"Cute? Well, I've never been called cute before," I laugh to myself, more embarrassment then anything.  Cute is something you call a baby, or a dog or a fluffy toy. I am not cute. 

"You know you look beautiful when you blush like that," he says.

I look up and see that he's watching me, I look down and find the garlic bread staring back at me.

"Do you want a cup of tea or something?" I say, dusting myself off and standing up too quickly, that I almost tilt forwards, luckily, he had me in his grip and his head is literally centimeters away from mine.  His eyes are, wow. And suddenly, he's leaning towards me and I can feel his breathe and feel the enigma of his lips coming towards mine.  He touches my lips with his, his lips are as soft as petals and oh wow, he leans in closer and it's more then a fantasy but oh no... in walks Ronan and Toni and they've caught me lip locking... shortly afterwards, Jack makes his excuses and leaves and I'm left standing there like a complete lemon with two of my drunk flat mates winking at me.


04 June 2011

Have You Ever


... Been a Favourite?

I can feel the bass beats hitting the wall again, Toni must be hitting her decks again... she has a habit of doing that each and every morning, especially on weekends.  The neighbours have nothing to say, because they've all moved out and I'm surprised I'm still part sharing with her.  To be honest, the house is amazing and the rent is pretty reasonable between the four of us, so I have no complaints... well, maybe one on this occasion.  I sit up and wait, suddenly realising it isn't Toni after all, but my head, it's thumping... well banging at the moment and I realise it's from last night's drinking. D-R-I-N-K-I-N-G, oh lord.  I lie back in bed and close my eyes, willing the roughness to disappear but no amount of will power will make it go away.  I need an aspirin or two, but as I reach for my bedside table, Ronan comes storming in.  He's one of my other flatmates, camp as they come and the most chattiest person I know.

He looks at his Rolex watch, "What time do you call this missy? I thought you would be at least out of your pyjamas by now and strutting your stuff down the catwalk of life." Always impressionable, always honest, that's what I like about him.

"I went out last night had way too many drinks, it seems my gut isn't what it used to be," I try to explain myself.

"Darling, I think your gut is the least of your worries... you'll be doing a whole lot more drinking tonight at Charlotte's exhibition, don't forget to wear something exceptional tonight," Ronan flicks his hand up in the air as if he's swatting a fly, "You do have something exceptional to wear tonight, don't you?" He surveys his nails and then looks pointedly to me.

I screw my features up, I don't have anything "exceptional" to wear- and as if reading my thoughts, Ronan unveils a box right in front of me.

"What's this?" I say in utter shock.

"Something I brought when I was in Milan last week, just a thank you for the Nick and Steve situation."

"How is the Nick and Steve situation now by the way?" I ask curiously.

"Oh, y'know much better then I had hoped. Nick wasn't too pleased that he had caught me shagging Steve- but I wasn't ecstastic about his stalker tendencies anyway, but with your collaborate way of turning things around, he's out of the picture.  Steve was a good shag but he lacks in personality... but enough about me, open it," he pushes the box closer to me.
I open the box, peel away the decadent tissue paper and gasp, "Oh my God, I can't accept this, this is too much."

"You deserve it darling, and if Charlotte asks you where you brought it, say you found it in a car boot sale or something... remember the last time she found out I brought you those Jimmy Choos, she went mental with jealousy, I don't fancy being on the other end of that any time soon, you are my favourite fag hag."

I smile and hug Ronan and he walks off sheepishly and closes the door. 


Later that night, Toni, Ronan and I make our way over to the Exhibition Hall a few roads away. We decide to walk, as it's a gorgeous summer evening, so there's no need to wear a shawl or even my denim jacket and even if I wanted to, it wouldn't go with my Armani Prive dress.  Ronan knows me so well, he knows what fits me and it feels like a second skin.  He even said so, when I came out of my bedroom earlier. If it weren't for him liking men, he would so do me in a flash, which is a compliment by far and the only one I have received in a very long time.

The hall is bustling with critics, art lovers, the chic and sophisticated and just about anyone who appreciates art.  I can spot Charlotte talking to a reporter about her collection on the far end of the hall.  This is her second collection she's unveiled. She's an artist and you wouldn't think it either, she's beautiful, blonde and ambitious. You'd think she belonged in the boardroom then in an art studio.  A tray of champagne passes us and we grab a flute each and schmooze.  It's packed and I can just about catch snippets of conversation above the music that Toni has supplied for the night with the in house DJ. This is the first time I have seen her second collection and she has aptly called it, "Lots of things about Lottie." Ronan has gone to the bar to order something stronger and Toni is already chatting to the DJ, meanwhile, I take a look at Charlotte's work, her work is mesmerising and sells for thousands of pounds at a time.  Her work is very Renaissance modern, her brush strokes are imperfect which makes the painting so perfect and the colours mesmerising, and the subjects she chooses fit.  I come to a painting that's called, "Residing With Ronan"- I can only think of our flat mate at the bar, it's an explosion of colour and a man within it and I think Charlotte has captured Ronan perfectly.

"Do you like it?" I turn around to see Charlotte standing behind me. I squeal like a teenage girl and hug her.

"Y'know I love it, bit gutted that I don't have a painting dedicated to me..." I smile.

"Of course you do, you just haven't got around yet... oh wow, I love your dress. Where did you get it?" Charlotte asks.

"This old thing, it was lying around," I shake off the idea.

"Really, lying around in some designer shop... it's beautiful," she says admiringly and I feel guilty for lying to her, "So, how was your night last night Fred?"

Fred is my name, okay, well, it's short for Frederica but everyone who knows me calls me Fred.

"I got a little too pissed," I say apologetically.

"I know, you were singing from the top of your lungs when you came in... I'm just glad we didn't have any neighbours about to complain about the racket...where's Ronan and Toni?" she asks.

I point behind me to Ronan who's still at the bar and Toni who's now saddled with the DJ in his box.  Charlotte nods and excuses herself, as she continues to socialise with the others attendees.  I walk around and am completely bewildered by Charlotte's talent. Charlotte is outspoken in her art as well as being direct, she's the go to girl if you want to get something or someone off your back, she's also hard working and comes from a very wealthy back ground.  She's independent and doesn't like to depend on her family name to make a mark in the world. Her success is purely down to her hard work and perseverance.  I walk around taking in the landscapes, the portraits, when suddenly I spot him. Jack.  He's staring at a portrait of someone who looks utterly familiar and I realise, it's a portrait of me.  I walk a bit closer and realise he has started talking to a brunette, who's petite and much smaller in height to him.

"I swear to God, I know this woman... I just can't pinpoint where though." he says in that unmistakably voice of his.

The woman to his left replies, "Ambitious aren't you Jack? Come on, she's probably as fictional as my mansion in the Hollywood hills" she tuts.

"No, seriously Kay... I know her," the art of persuasion doesn't work on her and I can see, he's trying to think of where he's seen her. Me. "Honestly, I've met this woman!"

I come closer to the painting and glance at the title, it reads "Fun Fred." I can barely contain my smile when the woman turns around and sees me smiling and then she glances back at the painting and then back at me. She prods Jack on the shoulder and looks blankly back at me. Jack turns around and realisation hits, he's about to mouth something to his companion or to me but I don't get to hear what he says as I hear Charlotte calling me, "Fred, I want you to come and meet someone."
I turn away and walk towards Charlotte and an imposingly gorgeous guy standing right next to her. He's at least, six feet tall and has the most prettiest brown eyes I have ever seen.

"This is Matt, my boyfriend. Fred this is Matt," Charlotte says grinning from ear to ear.

"Nice to meet you Matt," I give him my best smile, "How did you two meet?"

"Well, Lottie and I met through our friend Jack... oh there he is now!" Matt replies and Jack comes striding towards us, "Jack, this is Fred..." he says to his friend who is looking at me as if he's just witnessed a ghost or something, "Is that short for anything?"

"Frederica but everyone who knows me, calls me Fred," I muster.

"So, you're the muse for that painting over there?" the petite brunette pitches in, the one who only minutes ago was standing in front of my painting with Jack.

"Yes, she is my flat mate," I hear Charlotte say, "Fred is a baker."

I wave at everyone feeling really self conscious all of a sudden, I'm not used to being leered at or put under the microscope for inspection.  Suddenly, it gets all too much for me and I excuse myself and head outside for some air. Reaching the familiar street and look of the King's Road, I head towards a little cafe when the door opens and the voice of Jack heralds my pause.

"You have a habit of running away, don't you?"

I turn around, I really don't have time for this. "I was running off, there's a difference."

He folds his arms, which accentuates his biceps in his black blazer and baby blue shirt, "Really?"

"Yes, really. I don't like crowds and I certainly don't like attention..." I begin to say, but he's staring at me in a way that's making me feel slightly dizzy and I don't know if it's because he's absolutely still gorgeous from when I saw him in Sainsbury's a couple of weeks ago or that I am feeling the fringes of my claustrophobia.

"So, you're the Sainsbury's girl then?" it's more a comment then a question, "And it's a small world, isn't it?" Now that's a question. He comes closer towards me and is literally a few feet away, "We better have proper introductions then, I'm Jack McCalister and your full name is?"

"Jack McCalister, I'm Frederica St.Clair, it's nice to finally put a name to a face." I shake his hand as if we've agreed on a transaction, but the only transaction I want to face is a kiss perhaps, God, he has great hands.

"Likewise," he smiles, "By the way, you don't happen to be related to Freida St. Clair?"

Oh boy, why would this be any different... Freida St. Claire is my famous actress sister... and now I don't have a chance in hell.

03 June 2011

Have You Ever: Prologue


Have you ever been in love with someone who doesn't love you back?

I have... and I still am...

The first time I saw Jack was in the cereal aisle of my local Sainsburys, I didn't know his name at the time because I had seen him teetering on the sidelines, debating on whether he should grab the Weetabix or meander to the dark side and grab a box of coco pops instead. I remember seeing the confusion on his face and as I dragged my trolley closer to him, I was struck down by how blue his eyes were.  The bluest I have ever seen and when his eyes met mine, something strange happened, I got butterflies.  What I said next, only added to the surreality of the whole situation.

"I always go for the Cheerios, multi-grain and you get a bit of both worlds," I offered.

He looks up at me and the butterflies inhabiting my stomach, seem to want to spread their wings and form a whirlwind, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," he replies.

"Well, to make it easier... you could always just get both and alternate in between days," I offer again.

He looks at me again and briefly smiles and then I find my feet and make my way out of the cereal aisle.  A chance encounter with the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.

It's only a few days later that I have to go to my local Sainsbury's to pick up a few items for some cupcakes I offer to make for a local community fundraiser and as I'm frantically scanning the over head signage for the baking section, I immediately collide into Jack as I'm turning the corner for that very aisle and our baskets smack into each other with an almighty crack and the contents of his, goes sprawling in every direction.  I see a can of baked beans rolling off towards another trolley and a pint of milk stationed abruptly next to the yogurt and bread. I'm frantically apologising and trying to get the items back into his basket when we both reach for the lettuce, the instantaneous spark of electricity shoots though my arm and I pull away as if I've had an electric shock and he looks at me as if he knows that feeling but what he says next, completely dissipates that illusion.

"Watch where you're going, will you!" he says annoyed.

I'm taken a back, I wasn't quite expecting that outburst.  I don't like confrontations and I'm one of those girls that aren't witty with comebacks, so I just walk away... but that's not all... in my haste in walking away, I leave my purse on the floor and it's picked up... only I don't know it is... until I'm at the check out.

"That'll be twenty five pounds six pence please," the cashier looks at me, unsmiling.  

Only then does it dawn on me that I put my purse in my basket and it's not there anymore, I'm frantically patting my jeans, jacket and the entire extent of my body looking for it and then there's the never ending queue...

"I believe this is yours?" and there he is standing to the side of me. I thank him profusely, before I hand over the cash and grab my shopping bags heading quickly for the exit.